Recognizing the Oz Within

Posted on May 15, 2021 by authormo

I love the classic film, The Wizard of Oz. Not only is it a compelling story that I never tire of watching, it is a stunning example of the differences in perception between highly sensitive people (HSPs) and the rest of the population. If you know the story, you know that the main character, Dorothy, lives in Kansas. Here is the black, white and every shade in between of the world we know. You can perceive reality in its starkest, most fundamental state.

Dorothy is like most of the rest of the population of our planet. She knows no different, that is until she lands in Oz. She opens the door into a vibrant and brilliant world. One that shines. It is a wonder to the eyes and to the other senses. Life takes on a whole new energy. Her vision is crisper, and it presents her world in a different light to her.

Explore what lies beyond the rainbow
“Double rainbow seen from Lower Mammoth” by YellowstoneNPS is marked under CC PDM 1.0.

But color or lack of color is not the only difference between Kansas and Oz. She is surprised by the idiosyncrasies of Oz. All the elements of life are there, but they declare themselves in strange new ways. Dorothy is surprised by these differences enough to tell her little dog, “I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.“

We HSPs are born into a black and white world, seeing the wonder of Oz. If you are like myself, you spent much of your life trying to push your Oz perception into the Kansas landscape. But now you are realizing that Oz is where you belong. If so, this blog is for you.

Here, we will

  • Explore the advantages that your highly sensitive nature gives you;
  • Learn how to better face the challenges of the negative aspects of high sensitivity; and,
  • Learn how we can support our fellow HSPs as well as teach the rest of the world about us, and what we have to offer.

We humans know, discern, and understand what our world consists of through our senses. Sensual perception tells us how the world works. One of an HSP’s qualities is that of enhanced sensual perception. Perception that goes beyond the black and white vision of the normal world. Normal perception gives enough information to navigate through a lifetime. But the color world as perceived by Dorothy in Oz is more dazzling. And the vividness exposes that which cannot be seen by typical vision. A radiance which yields a deeper understanding to life.

Highly sensitive people everywhere are beginning to recognize the truly wonderful gifts that we have. While we acknowledge that we are not superior to anyone else, we also honor how our difference gives us certain advantages inaccessible to the other 80%-85% of the world.

With this blog, I hope to inform, enhance, and inspire. As you discern the unique idiosyncrasies of your uniqueness, life in Oz will soon become more comfortable.

Join me as we explore Oz together.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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When HSP Radar Tells You Something You Don’t Want to Know

Posted on June 5, 2023 by authormo

Reading Time: < 4.5 minutes

In our family there is one person who has been the focus for many years of both the family and the compassionate community at large. This person is determined to follow a self-destructive path. Insidious by nature, he takes what he can get from everyone around him with no seeming regard for anyone else. He has, over the years, honed a certain charm that people fall into. They fall into it until it bites them where it hurts most and can no longer be denied. Then, when they get wise, they cast him out of their lives.

For some people, this happens quickly. For others, we drag on thinking enough compassion, enough love, enough doing for him will one day have a positive impact. And he will wake up and realize that he has everything it takes to have a successful life. All he has to do is choose it.

Image courtesy of Gerd Altmann (Geralt) on Pixabay.

For me, I have particularly struggled with this situation. I want with all my heart to see him turn his life around. But my HSP senses tell me otherwise. I am in the horrifying position of watching a train wreck in slow motion (if you will excuse the cliché).

My outlook is different from others. Where someone may react to a specific incident in and of itself, I look at the whole picture. And I believe in seeing the best in everyone. This can cloud my perspective because I can see that good things can come from bad.

As an HSP, I pick up subtleties in the environment, read body language, and notice the details in how a person reacts to situations, words, and challenges. Through that assimilation, I take those bits of information and I piece them together. Analyzing them, I make deductions, hypotheses, and predictions that non-HSPs have a hard time intuiting. I take those subtleties and combine them with another trait: depth of processing.

Much of my knowing comes from this blending of sensitivity traits. I no longer pay much attention to the underlying process. Especially as I have gotten older. It happens so fast and automatically that I surprise myself. I suspect it is also true for you.

This is a very powerful trait to have when navigating life. Who wouldn’t want to know seemingly hidden insights as long as their warning is something we can fix? Something that we can work on and find satisfaction in changing it for the better? But what happens when it is something we don’t want to know? Or, something we cannot change?

This is how I am dealing with my own situation.

Acceptance

I cannot change another person. I can only change myself. This is a life lesson that I am to learn. And, it is a difficult one. You can do only so much to help a person get their life together. You have to reach a point where you have to let the rest go. Then, actually let it go. Trust that it is all working out for the best for everyone involved.

Image courtesy of Gerd Altmann (Geralt) on Pixabay.

Take a Different Perspective

I believe that everyone’s purpose on earth is to become the best person that they can be. Challenges help us do just that. It is not for me to say why one person has more challenges than another. Life is not fair. But we have enough flaws of our own. It is not our job to “fix” anyone else’s problems.

If we love someone, of course, we will want to help. If we are asked to help, a loving response is called for (within reason). Service to others is part of our own personal growth.

But we need to learn where and when to draw that line.

Allow What is to Be

The world seems like one big ball of chaos. But if you look at the details (and dear HSP, you are more than capable of doing that), you will find that there is a reason for what happens. We don’t always know it while it is happening, but there is. Sometimes we see the eventual purpose. Sometimes we don’t. Let it be. And have faith that it is.

It can be challenging for an HSP to understand what our insights are telling us to do. After all, why do we have them if not to use them for good? The key here is to know when to stop and let life evolve as it will. Because it will, despite your efforts to change it.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Compassionate Response Needs a Fourth H to be Valid

Posted on May 22, 2023 by authormo

When people are going through difficult or challenging circumstances, they need comfort from others. That comfort helps them deal with the overwhelming emotions that bombard them. People in these circumstances naturally turn to HSPs for solace. They may not be able to explain exactly what they need. But when they come to you, it is one (or any combination) of three reactions they are seeking.

These are:

One: To be Helped

When a person finds themself in a challenging situation, it may be so overwhelming that they are unable to deal with it on their own. This is most common with children. This person will be in need of help to sort out the action that they need to take. And possibly, support in carrying it out.

Images courtesy of geralt (Gerd Altmann) on Pixabay.

Two: To be Heard

More often, with adults, they just simply need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Allowing someone to express the thoughts that are populating their mind is a great service. Listening without judgment, people feel like they are validated. That their feelings are important, as it should be.

Three: To be Hugged

Just as important to being able to speak openly about a difficulty or challenge, is receiving a hug from someone. A hug is a physical manifestation of empathy. I care for you and what you are going through. I hurt along with you. The hug is a nonverbal gesture that often speaks more clearly than an entire dictionary of words.

Our responses are vital to providing the relief they are seeking. I believe there is one key element that helps us provide that much needed consolation. And in the most effective way possible. This element is humility. We must approach each request for help with the humbleness of a saint. After all, this person has reached out to us in a time which, for them, is a dark moment in their life. They trust us with their most vulnerable moments.

Deliver Your Message of Solace with the Fourth H: Humility

Our response first relies on finding out which of the above the person seeking comfort needs from us. In our intuitive way, we often know what that might be. But sometimes, we don’t. It’s okay to ask. Especially if we are not very familiar with that person.

  • What do you need from me?
  • How can I help?
  • May I give you a hug?
  • Is there anything I can do for you?
Images courtesy of Wilgard (Krause) on Pixabay.

All simple questions that allow that person to clarify what they are looking for from you.

Next, give the appropriate time and effort to their appeal. If help is requested, find out the details and follow through with any promises you make. If they want to talk, be sure to listen with full attention. If a hug is what they are asking for, make it genuine. Let them decide how long to hold the hug.

Using humility in our responses means that we set aside any ego and self-interests to give our full attention to that person.

Being humble also means that when we have given of ourselves, we need to replenish our energy. Take time for ourselves to allow our over-stimulated nervous systems time to recuperate.

Our empathy makes us well-suited to provide comfort to others. Bring about the best results by adding the H of humility to your efforts to help.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Empathy – Don’t Abuse It or You’ll Lose It

Posted on May 8, 2023 by authormo

I’m an imposter.

Lately, I’ve wondered if I really am who I say I am. Forty years ago, I discovered that I was a sensitive person. I’ve spent the intervening years finding out more about my sensitivity. Learning all its nuances. Becoming aware of every aspect of the part of me that is ruled by sensitivity.

Then, several months ago, my reaction to certain events and occurrences changed. Seemingly, out of the blue, my empathy seemed to disappear. I felt numb to situations that previously tugged at my heart. The emotion, the tears, the compassion was gone.

I wondered what happened. Had I fooled myself all these years? Had I been claiming a trait that I never really had? Or, had it suddenly disappeared? Morphed into a dispassionate blob of human nothingness? And all this after I had finally come to discover just how much I loved being highly sensitive.

Image courtesy of Rihaij on Pixabay.

I tried to ignore this state of mind while the concern simultaneously simmered below my surface, Until the other day when I stumbled across this article. It’s excellent. I would recommend reading it and adding it to your personal library. It enlightened me to the very real affliction called empath shutdown otherwise known as empath burnout.

When we get out of balance; when we become so overwhelmed with stimuli, we can burst the fragile bubble of our sensitive awareness. When we put too much pressure on our already overworked nervous systems, we can topple that balance quickly.

It is common among those employed in caregiver-type occupations. But personally, I believe it has become more susceptible to the rest of the HSP population since the pandemic began three years ago. Add to that the world conflict and our country’s own political and racial strife, and there is a greater chance that these circumstances will affect even more highly sensitive people.

We must all be aware of this pressure’s potential for damage and the absolute need for good nervous system hygiene. In other words, take good care of yourself.

Image courtesy of Riedelmeier on Pixabay.com.

Maybe, I’m not the imposter after all. Just burned out.

I try to promote the ways I use to be kind to myself, but I think this requires even more diligence to remain safe. I will be researching even more ways we all can use to keep burnout from stealing our gift of sensitivity, And I will keep you updated of my progress.

Until then, stay safe and carry on . . .

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Seven Steps to Take Now to Limit Your Empath Agreeableness

Posted on April 24, 2023 by authormo

Agreeableness is one of five personality traits the psychiatric world uses to determine personality. Differences in those five traits, memorialized in the acronym OCEAN (Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism) combine to determine our personalities. Agreeableness describes a person’s ability to put others needs before their own.

HSPs (and empath-HSPs) are familiar with and generally rank high in the agreeableness sub-traits due to our enhanced empathy and conscientiousness. The scale runs from highly agreeable to antagonistic. Highly agreeable people tend to be respectful, cooperative, humble, kind, and selfless. Desirable attributes. And many that we as HSPs (and empaths) possess.

While agreeableness is advantageous, it can go too far. Being too agreeable can put you at a disadvantage, as you see in the following steps to help you limit your agreeableness to an appropriate amount.

One: Strengthen Your Confidence

Confidence-building exercises are the backbone for change. Due to a long-standing ignorance of our positive attributes, we have often been misunderstood, leading to an undermining of our worth. Be accepting of all your thoughts, emotions and sensitivities. Find that quiet acceptance of the wonder of who you are.

Image courtesy of Gerd Altmann (Geralt) on Pixabay.

Two: Know and Set Appropriate Boundaries for You

HSPs and empaths notoriously have thin boundaries. Because of these porous boundaries, we can become vulnerable to exploitation. For more on this subject, see this post.

Three: Get Comfortable with Conflict

Conflict is hard for HSPs and empaths. We don’t like hurt other people’s feelings. Maintaining the status quo is most comfortable for us. But when we do that, we rob the world of our well-thought-out opinions. If we do step forward with an idea, and it is challenged, we are uncomfortable fighting for that opinion (no matter how strongly we believe in it).  Our contribution, however, has worth, and when it is appropriate, we must face our fear of conflict, and persevere.

Four: Determine Who You Can and Can’t Trust

As peacemakers, we want to assume that everyone is honest and trustworthy. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, we know that we are often the target of toxic people who want nothing more than to exploit our trustful nature. For more on this subject, see this post.

Five: Learn to Delegate

We take on a lot of responsibility – sometimes too much. We would rather do something ourselves than delegate it to another equally capable person. This can and does, in the long run, lead to burnout. Start slowly at first. It will feel uncomfortable until you have done it a few times. If it is a problem for you, think of it this way: You insult the capable people around you if you are not trusting them to do what they are fully able to do and do well.

Image courtesy of Alexas_fotos on Pixabay.

Six: Put Your Wellbeing First

Being too agreeable puts a strain on us. You must learn to put your health and wellbeing into a priority position. Too much of anything is unwise. Too much agreeing nature drains us physically and emotionally. Promise yourself to take care to keep you at your most optimum self.

Seven: Make Appropriate Agreeableness a Priority

Do it now. The longer you put it off, the harder it becomes to make that change.

Agreeableness in a personality is a desirable trait. Most people appreciate cooperative, helpful, kind and considerate people. You don’t need to worry that you will stop being agreeable if you limit your agreeableness to appropriate levels. On the contrary, you are making the most of that wonderful trait for both yourself and the people around you.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Six Steps Toward Greater HSP Creativity

Posted on April 10, 2023 by authormo

In the first two posts of this series, we looked at the HSP advantage in intuition, and how we can support and train our intuition even further. We know that a strong intuition bolsters our already strong creativity.

HSPs are inherently creative. We crave the ability to express ourselves. We have strong emotions which are tied to and instigate strong expression. But there are also steps we can take to build an even stronger creative statement.

Forge Greater Intuition

We’ve already talked about that in our previous post. Intuition is where creativity is born. As an HSP, we think deeply on subjects that matter to us. Coupling the conscious with the subconscious creates powerful motivation. Within that motivation, creativity can prosper.

Image courtesy of Ermal Tahiri (ermaltahiri) on Pixabay.

Complete Creative Exercises

Most writers (especially when they experience writer’s block) will use writing prompts to stir their creative juices. Whatever your creative outlet is, there are ways to “practice” your art.

Not every piece of art need be a final product. The great musicians understand the value of practice to advance their skills. Whatever your art form, you need to nourish it for it to prosper.

Let Your Imagination Soar

Believe in the impossible. Allow your mind to go in whatever direction it wants to take you. Silence the inner critic, and let whatever comes from your spirit have free expression. You are unique. Your individuality is one-of-a-kind. No one else will create in the same way you do. Value that. Its priceless.

Realize the Importance of Innovation

My husband is always saying that he is not creative. Not true. He is driven to improve things. He comes up with all kinds of ideas on a new gadget that would help him save time. Or, when he refuses to buy an expensive tool because he can get the same outcome by a process or homemade device he created.

This is called innovation. It is the building of something based on what is already in place. Improvement or adapting a situation based on specific circumstances. We think of the car as a new invention taking place in the late 1800s. This invention could not have taken place without first the development of the internal combustion engine between the 10th and 13th centuries. Nor could it have occurred without the even earlier invention of the wheel.

Consider improving what already is. This is just as creative as the original.

Image courtesy of Fernando Zhiminaicela (fernandozhiminaicela) on Pixabay.

Make Room for Play

The most creative people in the world are children. They play with unbridled enthusiasm. Play relieves stress, boosts energy, helps us to connect to one another, and improves brain function. It also relaxes your mind which allows creativity to flourish.

Apply Your Creativity to a Cause

Purpose drives human life. Purpose gives our lives meaning. You have been given a great gift in your sensitivity. Use it. The world is waiting for your contribution. Choose a cause close to your heart – one that you can address and contribute to in your own unique way. When we give of ourselves to others, life becomes extra rich.

Intuition and creativity are desirable traits open to every human being. HSP physiology gives us expanded resources to draw upon. These enable us to climb to higher realms. If you choose to put in the effort, you can achieve extraordinary results.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Five Steps to Take to Fire Up Your HSP Intuition

Posted on March 27, 2023 by authormo

As mentioned before, we all have access to the sixth sense. HSPs are way ahead of the game in this because our nervous systems are more attuned to subtleties. The key to developing a stronger intuition is paying attention to and taking steps to expand that awareness.

Below are five real steps that you can consciously take to gain a higher awareness and boost your intuition.

Work on Your Mindset

Mindset is the most important component in the formula below. Developing the right conscious mindset is the door that opens your subconscious where that intuition lies.

  • Meditate. A daily practice of meditation clears your head of cluttering thoughts, anxiety, and other toxic turmoil that stands in the way.
  • Believe in yourself. Intuition is no hocus-pocus. It is a real, scientific phenomenon.
  • Open your mind to possibilities. You can choose to believe that so much more is possible than the eye can see. Or, you can believe that the world is completely stagnant. All the great thinkers and inventors of the world dared to dream in what was once thought to be impossible.
Image courtesy of Andri Tegar Mahardika (Andsproject) on Pixabay.

Exercise your Subconscious

You strengthen the muscle that is your subconscious (where intuition resides) by using it.

  • Journal. Write every day. You can do this in any fashion you like. But the way I like to do it – that accesses my subconscious the most  — is fast writing. First, decide on a question you want answered. Get pen and paper (not the computer), set a timer for 10 minutes, then write whatever comes to your mind, without thinking about it, until your timer goes off. You’ll be surprised what comes from your writing.
  • Pay attention to your inner voice – Track and refine your gut feelings. HSPs are well-acquainted with their inner voice. Try keeping a log of what it tells you, your reaction, and what resulted.
  • Allow your inner guide room to work. Stop stifling that inner voice. It’s there for a reason.

Make Lifestyle Changes

Real change happens when you coordinate it with healthy habits.

  • Spend more time in nature – connect with animals. This is something we enjoy doing to start with, but sometimes we don’t value its importance to our health, including developing our sixth sense.
  • Develop self-care practices. When you take care of yourself, you clear the path for your mind to work efficiently.
  • Honor your need for solitude. When you spend time alone, you regenerate your energy. Again, necessary to allowing your intuition to grow.
  • Choose friends and companions wisely. We are especially susceptible to toxic people. When toxic people invade your space, they sap your ability to connect authentically with your subconscious.

Get Spiritual

We are physical beings living a spiritual life. Whatever your beliefs, make them the center, guiding force in your life.

Image courtesy of Dave M (D-G-M) on Pixabay.
  • Honor your soul. Your soul is wise beyond your physical mind. You are unique and special. Keep this truth foremost in your mind.
  • Develop your relationship with your higher power. Connection with your higher power provides strength and opens the door to miracles of the mind.
  • Become friends with your higher self. Your higher self, like your higher power, has abilities beyond physical comprehension.
  • Build your compassion. As you place a higher emphasis on compassion, intuition thrives. Conscientiousness is a trait we are endowed with. And it supports compassionate efforts. In this, we have an advantage. Use it.

Be Kind to Yourself

Above all, treat yourself well.

  • Accept your feelings without judgement. You are wise beyond what you give yourself credit for. Your feelings are the vehicle through which your intuition seeks you out.
  • Be patient with the process. The harder you try, the more difficult it will be. Allow the miracle that is your sixth sense to emerge on its own. If you follow these steps with patience, your intuition will come into its own.

While intuition is available to every human, it is a superpower for HSPs. Use these steps to strengthen and support your unique gifts as an HSP.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Intuition and Creativity – An HSP’s Super Sense-abilities, Introduction

Posted on March 13, 2023 by authormo

We’ve all experienced it, HSP and non-HSP alike. It’s that instant “knowing” in situations of all kinds that tells us what to do, what something unfamiliar means, how to respond, etc. Intuition, often called the sixth sense, is not as controversial as it used to be. Science has discovered that it actually exists. We now know that the unconscious instantly peruses all our past knowledge and experience to form a “gut feeling.”

We are often perplexed by it because we aren’t cognizant of it happening. It happens in the blink of an eye. It’s not a logical process where we thoughtfully consider a number of steps and come to a conclusion. It appears as if by magic into our awareness with a powerful wallop.

It’s called the sixth sense because, like the other five senses, it’s function is to perceive our world and give us information to navigate it. HSPs are well acquainted with their five senses. Often, those senses become overwhelmed in our over-stimulated nervous systems. If those five senses are elevated, so is the sixth.

Image courtesy of Mohamed Hassan on Pixabay.

The sixth sense, intuition, is distinguished from the others in that we all have different experiences, knowledge, and perceptions. Intuition then is more unique to each of us. And, the capacity for exceptional intuition is within our grasp.

We owe it to ourselves and our communities to recognize our increased-instinct potential. We must then develop it and apply it. Our senses give us the upper hand in areas of perception. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating that it makes us superior. But, in this area of life, we hold an advantage. And, as such, we hold an opportunity and a responsibility.

Another of our HSP sense-abilities is found in our heightened creativity. HSPs find themselves thriving in the creative arts.

Creativity is closely associated with a strong intuition. When we follow our intuition, we increase our creativity. Allowing our subconscious minds creative expression brings out new ideas, hidden insights, and raw truth. For a hurting world, this is a blessing, and a step toward healing.

Image courtesy of Gerd Altmann (Geralt) on Pixabay.

You were born one of 20% of the population who have these incredible sense-abilities. Developing these and using them toward your unique purpose is your destiny. In the following two posts, we’ll explore ways that you can cultivate these unique abilities, and use them to fulfill your goals in life.

Intuition and creativity are two desirable attributes found in people. They are especially strong in HSPs. Stay tuned for information on how you, as an HSP, can build those traits into super abilities.  

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Deep Thinking vs. Overthinking vs. Obsessive Thinking: An HSP Conundrum

Posted on February 27, 2023 by authormo

The accusation hurts. You’re a sensitive person. You delve deeply into various subjects that come up in your life. Then, someone in your sphere of influence, with a concerned expression on their face, says to you, “You need to stop overthinking everything.” Are they right?

Deep thinking is a desirable trait, and one that HSPs have in common. We take in so much detail due to hyperactive nervous systems. With that detail, we can make more informed decisions. Therefore, we examine the detail to gain insights that are often out of reach for someone who does not possess the ability. These insights lead to new ways of looking at problems, ultimate solutions, and building blocks to advanced knowledge. This is a positive practice.

Image courtesy of Peggy_Marco (Peggy and Marco Lachmann) on Pixabay.

Depth of processing or deep thinking should not be confused with overthinking. When you think deeply, you explore all aspects of a problem or belief to come to a conclusion. When you find that conclusion, you use the process to glean insight from it and apply the results to your purpose. Then, you move on, confident in your state of mind and ready for the next step, action or opportunity for growth.

Because you dive deeply into the details in order to reach your goal, others can easily mistake that process (especially if it is not native to their own experience) for overthinking. But overthinking is different from deep thinking. Overthinking comes from a perspective of perfectionism. You mull over details again and again, unable to make a decision. You come from a place of little confidence in your own ability to make the best decision. The answer remains out of reach because you question whether someone will chastise you for your choice or tell you that you are wrong. Overthinking means that you cannot efficiently make a decision for fear of what might happen in the future.

As bad as overthinking may be, it may turn into something equally as or more destructive. Obsessive thinking is when your mind turns the details into a mental loop. Doubt dominates your mind. Why didn’t I do this instead? Why couldn’t I have thought of that first? Its incompetency rises from an obsession with the past. It is epitomized by a host of “what ifs.”

Image courtesy of Mohamed Hassan on Pixabay.

While these three forms of sweeping thought processes are subtly similar, their process/outcome is very different. As an HSP, never give up your highly beneficial trait of deep thinking. It is a powerful gift. But know the difference among these three. Having a competent depth of processing trait does not preclude you from falling victim to the other two. Plus, knowing the difference and being able to explain it will help you respond appropriately to the “You need to stop overthinking everything” admonition.

Know the difference. Know the truth. And thrive as the highly sensitive soul you were born to be.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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Poisonous Friendships vs. Valuable Friendships; An HSP Dilemma

Posted on February 13, 2023 by authormo

I submit today’s post in honor of Galentine’s Day (February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day), where we offer support and thanks for our wonderful female friends. I intend to celebrate this day to the fullest because I do have some really wonderful women friends. But that hasn’t always been the case.

I have one core group of friends I met in high school, one in college, and a few scattered I’ve met over the years who are the best of the best. But there are also many people in my life who have impersonated the friendship role. Those are the ones who have burned me in the most treacherous ways. These are the poisonous friendships that can cause deep wounds that are especially heinous to HSPs.

Image courtesy of Geralt (Gerd Altmann) on Pixabay.
  • Why We are Susceptible to Poisonous Friendships

HSPs generally are open to new friendships. We like to believe that we can find the best in other people, and we want to open ourselves to the opportunity to find it. Unfortunately, there is something we must learn (most often the hard way), and that is that there are people who have no real interest in being a friend. Their only interest is in getting what they can from you to fulfill their own self-centered desires. We tend to attract those kinds of people. Our giving nature makes us targets.

Why It Hurts Us More Than the Average Person

I probably don’t have to explain this too much to you. We are empathic, conscientious, and place a lot of meaning in deep relationships. In turn, we expect the same in return. As mentioned above, we tend to be the targets of less desirable would-be friends. When we become vulnerable to, and involved in, a deep friendship, it can have a devastating effect when we discover it was all a delusion.

Plus, we usually have less friendships because we seek a deeper level of relationship from those friends. This narrows our friendship community. It also increases the chance that when a friend has betrayed our trust in that relationship, the result is a larger wound.

Image courtesy of AdinaVoicu on Pixabay.

What Our Journey Through Life as an HSP Teaches Us about Friendships

If we are aware of the above, why do we bother? First and foremost, when we have made a valuable friendship, it is much more satisfying because we can share our deepest fears and foibles, as well as our successes. We can count on those friends being in our cheering section, or having our back, comforting us. This is invaluable in our very challenging lives.

There is also a benefit from the toxic friendships. We learn who we can trust and nurture in a friendship and who we must walk away from. We grow in our understanding of ourselves and others. And, we also learn to trust our intuition. I believe HSPs have a finely tuned intuition that grows even more precise the more we learn from it. When I look back at the poisonous friendships, there was always some little hint or clue, usually undefined, that told me to be wary. I’ve learned to trust that inner voice more and more.

If you are a highly sensitive person, friendships can be a challenge. But they can also be the most rewarding of experiences. This is your dilemma, but it is also your gift. Learn it’s lesson, and enjoy its bounty because it is one of your gifts.

If you’d like to take a shortcut in your own life education, and learn from my mistakes, I suggest you read “Mere Sense, a Memoir of Men, Migraine, and the Mysteries of Being Highly Sensitive.” I share details of failed friendships and the lessons I learned from them.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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The Priceless HSP Gift No One Talks About and How You Can Use It to Make a Difference in the World

Posted on January 30, 2023 by authormo

People buy greeting cards because they need a way to connect on a deeper level with the significant people in their lives. Most people are unable to identify, translate, and elaborate to others the emotional message that they want to convey. They aren’t able to communicate in a heartfelt way. So, they rely on greeting cards to do that task for them.

Americans alone bought 6.5 billion greeting cards last year. Why is that important for HSPs to know?

But it’s simply impossible to convey a true sense of a person’s inner feeling through the use of a card written by someone who knows nothing about the actual circumstances. An HSP has the ability to convey just the right message at just the right tone and temperament.

Image courtesy of Stux (Stefan Schweihofer) on Pixabay.

Emotional Connection

Through their empathy, HSPs are more fully aware of inner emotional states – their own, as well as others. Whether that situation is painful, challenging, touching, ecstatic, etc., an HSP experiences the deepest realms of it. Some empaths even endure another’s physical pain within their own bodies. Through these shared feelings, we get a first-hand perspective through which we connect intimately with others.

Conscientious Attention to Detail

We have high standards in our communication. We are fully aware at all times what feels right and what feels wrong, and we work to present the true expression of that awareness. We take in more detail than others, and use that detail to gather a fuller understanding and picture of the true nature of all that is around us. Through this attention to detail, we delve deeper and refine our awareness to gain further insight. Our integrity demands that we use our compassion to round out this awareness.

Creating Intimacy in a World Devoid of It

Image courtesy of JacksonDavid on Pixabay.

Using all of the above traits, we can recognize and respond with the sincerest reaction to any situation. Our response is a custom-designed comforting or supporting message as appropriate. Whether you write or speak your message is dependent upon your own personality and strengths. But in doing so, you can make a difference. You can create the intimacy and rapport with friends and loved ones. In certain situations, you can even positively affect the lives of strangers.

This hidden gift that HSPs have is a much-needed skill for healing and uplifting a world in desperate need of it. Reach out today and make your affirmative contribution of communication. Your gift is in high demand.

Copyright 2023, Monica Nelson

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